Wednesday, 23 August 2017

Newborns. Don't over-think them!




I was privileged to work with a beautiful family, yesterday, who have a cheeky 2.5 yr boy and his new, 8 week old baby brother!

These boys are lucky to have a Mum & Dad who make a truly awesome & loving team. Having recognised that their smallest boy had started to struggle at nap time, they made the bold step of reaching out for support before allowing their niggling concern to turn into a full-blown PROBLEM!
They also had concerns that their breast fed baby was suffering from reflux, as so many of their well-intentioned friends and acquaintances, had suggested. Unfortunately there is often some cross-over between the symptoms of silent reflux and those of simple, over-tiredness.  I understand how people may assume this diagnosis when faced with an inexplicably distressed child, however I always encourage parents to explore the more common causes of such behaviour before jumping ahead to the assumption that it must be a pathological condition.

At only two months old, such tiny babies are seeking only a few things, mainly nourishment, protection, warmth and rest. A mother and her baby have a unique relationship, an intricate dance based on the natural hormones & instincts of both. As a midwife, I am duty bound to preserve and protect the basic fibres of this bond as it is entirely intrinsic to the well being of both. For this reason I believe it is completely inappropriate to try and sleep train newborns or any baby under 6mo.

"So??? What did you do, then?" I hear you say.

Well...obviously I got to have lots of cuddles with that gorgeous little soul...who could resist?? (Their cat was pretty lovely too! Always a sucker for pets!)

Beyond that, we discussed a few other tips such as recognising tired signs, swaddling and the newborn startle reflex. We discussed breast feeding techniques & frequency and ways in which breast feeding naturally primes a baby for beautiful sleep.

Mum had been trying to follow sleep-school rules about not associating feeding with sleep but at this young age it was entirely counter-productive. Why interfere with something that nature has orchestrated so perfectly??? 

Following some reassurance that Mum needed no permission to just 'go with the flow', by the afternoon she was able to put her sleepy baby in his crib and walk out of the room to attend to her eldest son. She teared up that morning while she related how guilty she had felt at not being able to offer him nearly the time he deserved, as the baby had been taking up every spare moment.

10 minutes after we placed the well fed and contented little boy in his cot, Mum looked at me in disbelief.
"He hasn't cried! I felt sure I would have to go back in!"
With just a few little changes that gorgeous bub doubled his usual nap time with zero crying and a stress free mum!

Today his naps have quadrupled in length and last night he slept a whopping 6hrs straight, between 11 and 5. Mum is thrilled!

This goes to show that newborns are perfectly primed to sleep when they are full, and wake when they are hungry. They need to feel loved, secure & unstimulated in order to sleep. When they are tiny, they are simple creatures so why complicate it? Don't over think this stage, Mums. Believe in the instincts you were born with, not the well-intentioned routines, set by others.



By Katie Cortes
Midwife

Monday, 21 August 2017

Should you be telling baby sleep consultants to BUGGER OFF???



Yesterday I read a fascinating article by one of my favourite baby gurus, suggesting that sleep consultants peddle harmful 'Bullshit' and should all be told to BUGGER OFF!!! 😯
As soon as I had recovered from the shock, I soon realised that once upon a time, I too may have been of the same opinion. I have always been a huge advocate of attachment parenting, baby wearing, breast feeding and anything vaguely 'earthy'. Heck...my 2nd baby lived in a sling for over a year and he didn't even wear nappies, but that's another story!!!
I then went on to have twins. Now that certainly moved the goal posts for me, and again, that's a whole other story, as well!!

One thing I have learnt as a midwife & more so since becoming a mother, is that there is no one-size approach to motherhood, that fits all.

Much as I would love a world where every mother could stay at home, be nourished by her extended family and breast feed her children til they're 2....I know that many mothers could not entertain such a thought, either financially, physically, socially or emotionally. I also realise that the things that motivate me and make me smile are different to the many priorities & beliefs that enrich the lives of others.

Ultimately, babies blossom and thrive when primed with love and happiness, particularly when this comes from their primary care givers. Even if a baby had the most natural of births, only ever had breast milk past its lips, co-slept with its parents and wore nappies made of organic, rainbow, unicorn hair.....if Momma ain't happy,..ain't nobody happy!!!!!

In other words, even with the best physical advantages, if mummy or another primary care giver, is resentful or exhausted, the compounding negativity could have far reaching consequences for the well being of the baby and it's entire family.
Sadly, i see depression and anxiety all too commonly in families who seek my help. Hourly night feeds spanning months can really take their toll on parents, particularly when they are made to feel ashamed that they may be considering their own needs above those of their babies.  I should point out, right here that during their obligatory safety talks, airlines always stress the importance of parents prioritising their own oxygen masks, first. There are reasons for this that are not difficult to fathom. However,when back on firm ground, society often takes a dim view of parents who consider their own needs above those of their baby. 

As a result, huge amounts of guilt may sit precariously on top of sleep deprivation and increasing levels of anxiety for many parents. As I have witnessed time and time again, those can be a recipe for disaster when coupled with the fury and despair of a chronically over-tired baby.

So, dare I be controversial and suggest that perhaps the focus should not always be on the immediate contentment of our offspring?!!! Maybe, families should be encouraged and well supported when seeking balance & the best of well being for all?
In order to achieve this, some families may reach out for support of an infant sleep coach, in the same way that others will reach out for help with nutrition, exercise, mental health, financial advice or spiritual guidance. There are many influencing factors that shape the health of a family. No-one should be made to feel ashamed of these. Do we really want a culture where parents feel too much judgement to ever seek the help & reassurance of others? 

It is with the utmost respect for my favourite baby guru, when i speak for those in society who may not fit her ideals. Those regular folk, whose circumstances lie in the grey area, of her opinions. Those people who can't always predict what challenges are around the corner or how their families will turn out, yet understand that happiness and a healthy state of balance are vital for the well being of the family unit in which they grow & thrive.
If these values sound like a few of your own, then please don't concern yourself with the judgement of others. everyone has an opinion but if something feels right, then it probably is. Trust your instincts. The other 2 million species of animals on earth, seem to do ok with theirs.

Katie Cortes
Registered Midwife

Go-to baby sleep strategies for newborns to 3months

Help your baby to enjoy sleep. They are NOT the same as adults or children and the their rhythms are frequently misunderstood. ...