Yesterday I read a fascinating article by one of my favourite baby gurus, suggesting that sleep consultants peddle harmful 'Bullshit' and should all be told to BUGGER OFF!!! 😯
As soon as I had recovered from the shock, I soon realised that once upon a time, I too may have been of the same opinion. I have always
been a huge advocate of attachment parenting, baby wearing, breast feeding and
anything vaguely 'earthy'. Heck...my 2nd baby lived in a sling for over
a year and he didn't even wear nappies, but that's another story!!!I then went on to have twins. Now that certainly moved the goal posts for me, and again, that's a whole other story, as well!!
One thing I have learnt as a midwife & more so since becoming a mother, is that there is no one-size approach to motherhood, that fits all.
Much as I would love a world where every mother could stay at home, be nourished by her extended family and breast feed her children til they're 2....I know that many mothers could not entertain such a thought, either financially, physically, socially or emotionally. I also realise that the things that motivate me and make me smile are different to the many priorities & beliefs that enrich the lives of others.
Ultimately, babies blossom and thrive when primed with love and happiness, particularly when this comes from their primary care givers. Even if a baby had the most natural of births, only ever had breast milk past its lips, co-slept with its parents and wore nappies made of organic, rainbow, unicorn hair.....if Momma ain't happy,..ain't nobody happy!!!!!
In other words, even with the best physical advantages, if
mummy or another primary care giver, is resentful or exhausted, the compounding
negativity could have far reaching consequences for the well being of the baby
and it's entire family.
Sadly, i see depression and anxiety all too commonly in
families who seek my help. Hourly night feeds spanning months can really take
their toll on parents, particularly when they are made to feel ashamed that they may be considering their own needs above those of their babies. I should point out, right here that during their obligatory safety talks, airlines always stress the importance of parents prioritising their own oxygen masks, first. There are reasons for this that are not difficult to fathom. However,when back on firm ground, society often takes a dim view of parents who consider their own needs above those of their baby. As a result, huge amounts of guilt may sit precariously on top of sleep deprivation and increasing levels of anxiety for many parents. As I have witnessed time and time again, those can be a recipe for disaster when coupled with the fury and despair of a chronically over-tired baby.
So, dare I be controversial and suggest that perhaps
the focus should not always be on the immediate contentment of our offspring?!!! Maybe, families should be encouraged and well supported when seeking balance &
the best of well being for all?
In order to achieve this, some families may reach out for
support of an infant sleep coach, in the same way that others will reach
out for help with nutrition, exercise, mental health, financial advice or
spiritual guidance. There are many influencing factors that shape the health of
a family. No-one should be made to feel ashamed of these. Do we really want a culture where parents feel too much judgement to ever seek the help & reassurance of others?
It is with the utmost respect for my favourite baby guru,
when i speak for those in society who may not fit her ideals. Those regular
folk, whose circumstances lie in the grey area, of her opinions. Those people who can't always predict what challenges are around the
corner or how their families will turn out, yet understand that happiness and a healthy state of balance are vital for the well being of the family unit in which they grow & thrive.
If these values sound like a few of your own, then please don't concern yourself with the judgement of others. everyone has an opinion but if something feels right, then it probably is. Trust your instincts. The other 2 million species of animals on earth, seem to do ok with theirs.
Katie Cortes
Registered Midwife
Registered Midwife
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