10 years ago when I gave birth to my first little beauty, I was at an undeniable advantage to all the other mums in my mother's group, or so I thought. I presumed that 12 years experience as a midwife had taught me everything I needed to know in order to be the perfect mother! How blissful it was, being so naive. Unfortunately, what I failed to foresee was by the 10th day of my daughter's life, I was no longer the professional expert...she was!
Like all my other new-mum friends, I was completely at the mercy of her decisions on when and where she chose to sleep, or how long she slept for and don't get me started on tired signs. Turns out, I knew very little of the really practical stuff!
Like most babies, Eva encountered the nightly 'Witching Hour(s)' and commonly became totally manic, just prior to passing out with tiredness, late, most evenings. Here's a picture of her squealing with delight at her daddy, or so we thought! Of course now all these years, and 3 babies later, I realise that this is the image of a baby who had gone way beyond tired and whose parents, were in desperate need of advice.
Hind sight is a marvellous thing and I do so wish that I could go back and whisper in my own, sleep deprived, thirty-something ear, a few hints about the things I would finally learn, over the coming decade.
What is Over tiredness??
Sleep is a basic human need. It's the period of time that our body requires each day in order to repair and restore and without it our bodies become fatigued. Fatigue disrupts the natural biochemical balance of the body. It becomes harder to relax because of the resulting increase in mental awareness, heart rate, blood pressure and muscle tension and as a consequence, the body becomes stressed.
Sound bad?? Now, put all of that into a tiny baby and what we have is a whole lot of trouble for her poor parents.
So, what do we do about it? Well, we do what ever we can just to get that baby to sleep! And that, my friends, is how people like you & I wind up at the mercy of our babies' sleep habits.
Mums and dads will pat, rock, feed, bounce, walk and even drive their babies around, until finally, they fall asleep. And so this will continue unless someone is able to recognise this cycle for what it is and put together some solutions to remedy the situation.
Do you think you have an over tired baby?
If you're an over tired parent, you probably do but there are a few things to look out for.
Most people are aware of a baby's basic tired signs such as red eyebrows, yawning and eye rubbing but the earlier signs such as short attention span and unwillingness to smile or engage, often go unnoticed.
In my experience, its the chronic over tired signs which are more difficult to recognise and sadly, by a few months old, they are often just considered part of the baby's personality!!
Severely over tired babies often appear to fight every nap and rouse very easily. Commonly these babies will display a worried expression, they cry frequently, need to be held almost constantly and are usually happier if continually jiggled!
Is this starting to sound like a baby you know?
An over tired baby often has a short attention span, startles easily, suffers extreme separation anxiety and is sometimes a fussy feeder. This is perhaps when many parents are given the idea that their baby may be suffering from reflux. Some signs of over tiredness can often mimic a few symptoms of this chronic digestive condition. For example babies can appear uncomfortable when feeding, breaking from the breast or bottle to cry, sometimes even refusing the odd feed altogether. It's no wonder that this assumption can be made by those who have never witnessed the real deal when it comes to infant reflux.
Luckily not all over tired babies will present with every symptom, however even just a few of them, over time can have devastating results on the confidence of parents. Feelings of inadequacy are common and depression is a real possibility where there is chronic sleep deprivation. At the very least, family stress and anxiety are likely consequences.
Although I have managed to paint a really bleak picture here, if parents can be alert to the fact that they may simply have an over tired baby, rather than a sick or, just plain difficult one, the situation can often be easily remedied.
So, where do we start?
Most babies, sleep deprived or otherwise will generally be happier in the morning and so this is great a time to begin breaking the cycle. Babies of different ages require different amounts and frequency of sleep and so the best place to begin, is by familiarising yourself with the recommended minimum/maximum awake periods, for your baby's own age group and making sure that you provide the best opportunity for sleep, well within those time frames. Most importantly, look out for those early tired signs and don't miss that all important window of opportunity for sleep. Also, don't assume that because you've been rocking your bub to sleep since she was born, that she is unable to settle on her own. Many parents are shocked when I show them that this is often possible if they can pick their moments wisely and choose the optimum time for their baby to nap.
This is the most, simple way to begin in rectifying any sleep difficulties that your baby maybe experiencing and is often all that’s required. Remember, bedtime should not be difficult and if it is, something is out of balance. More complicated issues may sometimes lead families to consider sleep-training their babies. In many cases this maybe an appropriate solution, however, caution is always required when dealing with young babies under 6mo, as gradual strategies are often more effective in the long term and less of an emotional challenge for everyone.
In summary
... the most helpful tips I could have whispered back then, in my sleep deprived, thirty-something ear, would have been be as follows:
1. "Hey Katie, listen....(you look so young by the way)...
...learn to read Eva's tired signs properly, even the subtle ones. Find out how long her maximum awake time should be and put her back to bed well within that time frame."
2. "Wrap her firmly, darken the room (as much as possible) and put her in her cot...it might just work."
3. "Be confident. Its reassuring for her."
4. "Be consistent....for way more than 1 week, these things can't be rushed especially when choosing these gentle approaches."
5. "Throw away that other baby book. The one with the rigid routines and controlled crying methods. You don't need to teach her a lesson. You just need to learn a little about timing and a lot about her signs."
And finally, I'd save the best insight til last........
By Katie Cortes
Midwife
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